Work is good these days...started on October 27th. My boss is super funny and nice. Not stressed at all, more stressed about French class than anything. The state of my apartment on the other hand...I had so many temper tantrums today. I saw PEAWOK yesterday, I am sad he is leaving, jet setter that he is. Haven't been seeing anyone lately but I am busy because work usually ends pretty late. CDG's suprise brunch was on Saturday, I went to the wrong place originally because my computer crashed and I didn't receive emails. I got her a Roberta di Camerino pouch from Amarcord. I hope she liked it. On the computer thing, I hate ordering new computers it's such a waste of money. Too bad my Pro has been to 'nam and back and didn't surive. So embarrassing to show my nastyass comp to the tech guy. Fixing it would cost only $200 less though. So funny I am school right now and using the scanner and there are still people here I recognize...why???

Worked for Magic M yesterday...she said the kindest best things to me and emailed me them afterwords as well. She is a JEWEL. An emerald. Unfortunately I got locked out and left the AC and all the lights on for the weekend. And my gym clothes. PEE YEWW. I think I also left raisin cookies by the computer when I had been specifically told not to eat near it. I was making some necklaces that started crumbling in my hands like so many baby birds. PEAWOK and I had late lunch at Blue Ribbon and I suddenly liked hamachi.

CLAVDIA and I have been being piggies all day which is so fun and watching The Great Escape. Me being Dolly, 9-5, starts Monday! I am pretty psyched, I just need to make a 5 year plan now.

Just got back today from Therme Vals in the eastern part of Suisse. Best, wonderful refreshing time of my life. I hope I never forget the feeling of lying down in a fluffy robe on the balcony...music drifitng through the open doorway and feeling the Alps air on my face and feeling just the best in the world. Sounds so lame to write but in person...I can't explain how perfectly wonderful and "à l'aise" I felt. The fog rising off the pool in the morning....beautiful beautiful. Concrete and stone blocks cut through by slivers of light...the reflections of water on the rough, industrial walls. I love to be alone...and somehow I felt so alone there. It felt like winter but where was my big sweater? Actually the feeling to me was just like "Il Mare" which is the best movie ever in visual feeling for me. Blue greys...peaceful and warm and cool and lonely and happy. Something like that.

I never in my life listened to jazz before because of several reasons...one being that my freshman dorm had like a million Kangol wearing, cigarette smoking and peacock strutting assholes who all played the sax, or something. I guess it's difficult to separate the worker and the work um. So the album in my room (other than the strange new age cacophonous crap they had) was "Kind of Blue." Haha. But actually soooo great. I think I am going to change my apartment a bit so it has the feeling of the house in Il Mare. I mean no, not like put the apartment in a lake (although I wish) but somehow that warm cool closed in but open feeling I felt in the hotel room. I never felt so comfortable in my life. The feeling was amazing, I felt amazing...so I know what it feels to be happy, for a bit at least. I wish I had had some better books to read though than the leftover crap that Italians had left behind. "Callgirl" and "Temptation." I am not sure which was worse but I have to read a book a day in a place like that...anyways...so amazing. Why can't it always be like that? I have had enough of bitter...

I went to Essen last week to see JD, Chick and Barana. So industrial, totally Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Eastern bloc feel! Only ate Korean food for some reason...I'm not the trip was worth the 500 clams but I really liked going to Koln/Cologne to see JS unexpectedly! Highlight was the orange and yogurt gelato I have to admit (and the Cathedral too, I guess).

Going back home next week for a few days and coming back to Swiss on Sunday! Went to with Swiss Gpa to Aligro to buy $500 worth of chocos and crackers. Okay I exaggerate...more like $440. I really don't think DaVida crackers are SO fucking amazing (although I did when I was in the mountain). The rest was for fish and breads. Yesterday was sukiyaki, today is pork bulgogi and tomorrow is kalbi jim. Unfortunately I'm just googling recipes and making it up and having to deal with impossible to find ingredients. Like, try to cut sukiyaki meat by hand!! or...that I could not find chicken broth in a can. Damnit I forgot I have to make tonkotsu...with no panko and no sauce. Um there is "Genevois" bread though should I just use that..

I just stepped out for 5 minutes right now and I found this kid, maybe 16, lying with his bike in the corner of the street. I was like umm and he sort of moved his head and was like mumbling something so I ran to get Swiss Gpa. Another man came at the same time but the kid kept saying something strange vomitted and finally got up and wheeled his bike away. They think he was on drugs...ugh I'm not leaving the house today again!

ochazuke
gochujang

I can now run ~5-6 miles a day. If I wasn't shut up in my house all day being whiny depressed and eating junk food I would be in such great shape! Unfortunately my life is not quite good at the moment. Mostly school/future related, but thank goodness it's nearly complete! School that is...like I said to Stacey Lee, "I thought I was talented..." ha ha HAHAHA. I haven't spoken to Rave online for awhile until tonight, but every time I do I feel such a weird affinity...actually I still believe we are the same person! I understand what he feels perfectly but am not brave enough to voice it like he does. Except I am not interested in hot bitches.

This year is ending pretty badly and it's my last one in school! If only someone would give me a chance...

I remember I used to be really scared of fiberglass as a child. I was always walking around claiming that a microscopic thread of insulation was lodged in my foot and making it bleed. The weird thing was my foot would actually be bleeding from a tiny pin pricked spot that extended quite deep into the sole. How I determined that to be fiberglass, I don't know. Maybe it was fiberglass? But can that actually pierce the skin? I was so paranoid and thought that the world was infected by it and the wind was just spreading it, Ice-9 style. Oh yes and my so called chest pains. I still claim that they were real (resulting in much medical testing all "proving" negative) but Clavdia says that these phantom signs are quite common in children. Who don't want to go to school. Neurotic children turn into...

If I don't sleep, I get so much done and can watch so many dvds. I woke up at around 8 and went to class, went to MoMA to study a painting for a formal analysis paper (chose a Bacon which is technically post war but barely), met up with my friend and bought 8 fabrics (for "denim" organza schoolgirl dress and the patchwork dress), bought studs at M+J, beads at Toho Shoji, bought metal for metal class, picked up my book at Kinokuniya, bought bread at Cafe Zaiya, finished my embroidery homework and tried a few experiments, watched "The Emperor and the Assasin," organized some research for thesis, started laying out the formal analysis paper structure...I browsed all floors of the new Kinokuniya and it IS much better than it was. The one uptown was smaller and less well layed out and there wasn't a tiny Cafe Zaiya inside! I almost bought an Amane Misa figurine. I was supposed to go back into the city and work out but since it's almost 4 am I guess I didn't. I also am 1/2 way through a Jdrama that I started today. Too much Japanese stuff today at least I got a bit of Gong Li in there. I just hate sleeping!! Give me some meth I don't ever want to close my eyes. Except my teeth area fucked up enough already.

Going to school fucks people up. Swiss Halmoni said that in Geneva all the private schools are filled with bitchy children. Jack said he heard that the first thing that kids learn from each other are curse words. That makes sense. I didn't know what a swear word was until 4th grade when I was given a lesson on what "cussing" was. I'm sure someone, like South Africa, made fun of me. Actually who says cussing?? I don't think that's even normal to know. Obvs the girl was black. Anyways, okay, sorry my parents weren't constantly swearing in front of their grade school daughters? I just saw a picture of a girl I went to school with at the Maples. Marcie, as a 6th grader, was so proud to wear neon bras visible under her collared shirts. But of course everyone was so proud to shave their legs and wear deoderant as 10 year olds. What the fuck?? What's wrong with America...and this was awhile back! I remember Lizzy told everyone that I didn't wear deoderant. Yes, I was in 5th grade. We were on the playground. Anyways what am I saying except I'm still angry after all these years for people making me feel bad as a young child for being naive and not trying to grow up so fast. BTW South Africa is a single mother now...